1. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
2. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said, "Thyroid problem?"
3. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
4. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
5. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
6. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
7. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
8. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
9. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
10. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
11. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
12. Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
13. No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
14. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!

The Hong Kong Housing Society (HKHS) today (May 8) put forward acquisition offers to owners of two private property interests and removal arrangements for tenants of the Blue House Cluster.  The Development Bureau welcomed HKHS's proposals.

The Urban Renewal Authority (URA) decided today (May 5) to acquire all property interests affected by the Kwun Tong Town Centre redevelopment project in one go and implement the redevelopment in phases.  The Development Bureau welcomed the decision.

More than 1,600 property owners in Kwun Tong town center will be offered one-off compensation amounting to HK$14 billion in December - the biggest ever by the Urban Renewal Authority.

Ancient fung shui woods and other historic sites in Ta Kwu Ling have been named potential cultural heritage sites by the Planning Department.

The following is issued on behalf of the Hong Kong Housing Authority:Dedicated to promoting the sustainable development of public housing, the Housing Authority (HA) has achieved marked results in its environmental, social and economic performances.

The MTR Corporation (MTR) today celebrated the station topping out for the Kowloon Southern Link (KSL) project, marking a significant milestone for the project.

The Government today (April 25) published a notice in the Gazette on proposed road works for the future development at Town Centre South and Tiu Keng Leng, Tseung Kwan O.